{I must be strong and carry on}

I need to tell you a story and i hope you won't judge me. It's like, really bad.

Deep breath....

A couple of weeks ago I was in my biomechanics class when I pulled out a granola bar because I was feeling a little hungry. I opened up the top and crumbs started coming out the bottom. I turned it over to examine it and saw a wee little hole. How curious, I thought, but decided I shouldn't eat it. Just in case. I got out another one, but before opening it I made sure to check both ends. Upon further examination I saw a hole in that one too. Only bigger. And more clearly that of a mouse. Holy H E double L. The girl next to me, who is thankfully my non judgemental friend, started to laugh. Really hard. I myself, found it to be more traumatizing than humurous. A Mouse. My backpack.

There is a line that should not be crossed, and that one was it.

I texted my roomate to inform her of our uninvited house guests and she said that she had thought that there were some little creatures cohabitating with us and that they had been keeping her up at night. Gross.

You better believe that the second I got home that backpack was in the washer with about a gallon of soap and the hottest water my old water heater can produce.

After throwing the backpack in the washer instead of burning it like I felt like, I went back upstairs to speak with the roommates. We were sitting there, minding our own business and enjoying eachothers company when the little roommate got wide eyed and proclaimed that she had just seen a mouse. Oh what perfect timing. We tried to find him but were unlucky, plus what would we do with a trapped mouse anyway? Gag me. Within the next few hours we had traps set and decon out. Those little guys were going down.

The next few days brough more sightings of the little bugger. Clearly the traps weren't working, but the decon was slowly disappearing. Thankfully. Tragically, after a good 3+ days with no sightings I got a text from the roommate stating she had seen him run under the couch. Once again.

Patience was our game as we waited for the intruder to die, as the box of decon promised.

Last night I was speaking with the roommate and asked if she had seen our little mr mouse. She said it had been awhile, that the last time was when she had texted me that he was back. I nearly declared victory over having gone x amount of days without his presency being made known.

But I spoke too soon. Too dang soon.

This morning, it being study day which generally means sleep in and do nothing all.day.long (Except in the spring. Then it's an unoffically declared lake day), I woke up early to be a good girl and go to a study sesh with professor sexy beast. The second time up the stairs, because of course I can't remember to bring everything with me the first time, with what to my wondering eyes would appear... but the dang mouse. On the stairs. Just sitting there. Upon further examination I realized that the poor thing was shaking like he was scared out of his little mind. But when it didn't run away I got a little concerned. I looked a little closer only to note that the poor little guy was not only shaking, but twitching. And when he tried to walk he kind of stumbled around like a drunk old man.

And that is when it hit me.

I poisened it. Not a quick painless death like all living creatures deserved. I was causing the thing to suffer right there on my stairs. My poor stairs. The poor mouse. In all honesty, I was hoping it would run away. So I left it there, praying that it would be gone by the time I got back from hanging out with the sexiest man over 40 on campus. I may have even shed a tear on the way to the science building. I could not help it. The guit was just too much. When I got home I crossed my fingers and closed my eyes as I opened the door to the stairs. Was it gone? Nope. Still there. Twitching and shaking and dying before my eyes. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't just leave it there. The thought even crossed my mind that maybe I should gather it up, nurse it back to health, and keep it as a pet. Thankfully, my common sense got the best of me and I realized that wasn't a good idea either. But what was I to do with it? I thought for awhile, like probably a good 5 minutes. I couldn't just kill it. As in, I literally could not even bring myself to think about killing it. I mean, it's ok for a trap to kill it, but by my very hands? Oh no no no. After much deliberation I decided that I should just throw it away (even typing it makes me want to throw up for being so inhumand). I should have put it out of it's misery, but I couldn't do it. I got a plastic bag, then put another platic bag in the first plastic bag and gently scooped it up being careful not to touch it with my bare hands. It didn't even put up a fight. Just sat there twitching and shaking. I took it outside and as I wiped away the tears (no, seriously) gently placed the bag in the garbage can. I hope it died quick from the cold. I can't even think about it anymore.

I am a beast. A murderer. The scum of the earth.

And now probably haunted by the our little mr mouse who was just looking for a warm place to live.

I just really hope his family doesn't come looking for me, because I don't think I could handle having to dispose of anymore mini creatures.

Oh gosh, all I can see is his little face staring at me....