{MakeOut Monday}

This weeks episode of MakeOut Monday is in desperate need of your help. Like, for realzies. (Is it strange that an old lady and a co-ed aged young man were in the neighbors backyard smoking weed this afternoon? Just an after thought. Sorry) No, but for real. This girl needs. your. help.

I'm pretty sure my boy Trace was onto something with this fantastic artistic endevour:



I think it would be to my great advantage if I had a little, you know, junk in the trunk. Because, let's face it, I am seriously lacking in that area.

Here is my problem. How do I convert the extra curves I got going on other places to more important places like the badonkadonk? Is there like some sort of exercise or craze diet that will get the job done? That is where you come on. I am sure someone out there knows how to get 'er done (sorry, I couldn't help it). So share your secrets! I am sure more than just I would be mostly appreciative of it.

And on that note:

Dr. Sailor Mouth yelled at us today for a good half hour about everything that is wrong with the great state of Utah. Yeah, whatev dude. Don't knock it 'til you done it my friend. (And by done it I mean rocked the Utah County for an extended period of time. His remarks were indeed directed towards my stomping grounds.) Is it really a problem that we are a little more non confrontational than our neighboring states? Last I checked PeaceLove&Happiness was the in thing. And isn't the idea of keeping up with the Jones' Johnsons the new hot trend? Yeah, thought so. Whatever too shorty shorts dude, whatever.

But then the man started in on how not having sex before your legally and lawfully wedded is a bad idea. Cool dude, cool. Apparently because we're taught to keep our pants zipped and our hands to ourselves makes us some sort of imbecile community. Strange that is. Strange.

And then he yelled at us (I'm not kidding when I say he yells. He full on does it. His face gets all bright red and I fear his eyes are going to bug out his head) about how at our institution of higher education we are all about a lazy bunch of worthless nothings. Apparently we're bad students. We never read the text book (according to him) and never do anything right. Because of said rant about not reading text books which I do most of the time, I took it upon myself to go ahead and read the chapter for tomorrow entitles Preventing Sexually Transmitted Diseases. Niiiiice. There were even explicit pictures of such STDs for our viewing enjoyment. But in all honesty, it was not enjoyable. In the least.

My favorite part came in the Communicating with Your Partner about STDs section. It gave great advice about how to bring up the topic with your partner before doing the deed *wink wink nudge nudge*. My favorite suggested conversation starter?

and I quote:

"You're so sexy that sometimes I get carried away when I'm close to you. Why don't we have a quiet dinner together to discuss our sexual past and what we want from this relationship?"

My advice to you is that if anyone tells you they think you're something sexy and wants to have dinner run. Run far away and don't look back.

Unless you are of the persuasion that waiting until marriage is tacky and old fashioned and leads to serious serious consquences. Like actually not contracting some rare strain of chlamydia.