{Dear Professional at The Pool}

Oh hey, there you are again. I just have a few things to tell you.

You are an idiot. Like, a total D-Bag.

Just because you think you're some sort of professional doesn't mean you have the right to be a total jerk and a half. Rules are rules. Professional or not.

Don't even be playing like you don't know what I'm talking about.

Especially if you're some sort of professional diver. The only thing you really are is a professional jack ass who clearly can't read and is living in some delusional world of flipping fantasy where the high school swim coach makes the rules. False.

You. Are. Wrong.

And don't even be talking to me like you're some sort of majestic ruler of the pool/diving board 'cause you ain't. When I sit on that stand I am the ruler of the diving board. So get out ma face. And get your little home boys out ma face too.

Oh wait, your problem is authority figures, right? Or is it people with vaginas? The bigger problem is when the both are combined, isn't it? I would apologize, but I'm deeply not sorry.

You think you're some big guy on campus because you can do a triple back flip into a perfect dive, but really, when you started calling us slang anatomical terms for said vagina, you just became a total... well, dick. Not sorry.

Ass.

Love/Lauren

ps. You should be glad I cooled down for a whole weekend before really telling you how it is.

psps. Hey Daddy, sorry for the bad words. I'm still your little princess, don't worry. Some times my mouth just gets away from me.

pspsps. Also, your double backflip loopty loop's got nothin on my bad A butterfly. Stick that in your juice box and suck on it for awhile.