{Dear Parents at the Pool}

Just a little heads up: you are being judged.

You are being judged when you throw a fit over putting a swim diaper on your child.

You are being judged when you yell at us for closing the pool because someone didn't put that swim diaper on their child.

You are being judged when you make your seven year old watch your nine month old so you don't have to get in the pool.

You are being judged when your blonde/red headed child is a hearty shade of lobster. And you still let them play in the outdoor pool.

You are being judged when you let your little ones wander around and "put their toes in" the pool. Unsupervised.

You are being judged when you roll your eyes when we tell you you need to keep an better eye on them.

You are being judged up the wazoo when you freak that your kid that you weren't watching falls in the pool and someone has to jump in after him. Paper work anyone?

You are being judged when your child has a swimsuit that causes the perma-wedgie or the saggy butt. No one wants to see their little tush.

You are being judged when you think it's ok for a toddler to sit in the hottub. For any amount of time.

You are being judged when you make us glorified baby sitters.

You are being judged when you drop off your kid when the pool opens and only come back to get them when it closes. Everyday.

You are being judged when you use a life jacket as an excuse to not watch your kiddos.

You are being judged when you force your four year old off the diving board.

You are being judged (the very most) when you leave your newborn on the deck in his carseat while you get in the pool. For hours on end.

You are being judged when you spend more time swapping spit with your significant other than you do making sure your kid hasn't gone to a watery grave. Stop groping eachother. Please.

And to the men that bring their children to the pool for a weekly play date: Thank you for restoring my faith in the up and rising generation of American Fathers. No, seriously

Love, your Local Union of Lifeguards.