{high five}

You're never going to believe what I did today. Seriously, it's going to blow your mind. Besides falling asleep in chemistry, motor learning, and institute for reasons I don't understand (I slept for like 7 hours last night) I went to biology. That's something I generally do every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, except for the days I am feeling rediculously lazy (which I try to keep to a minimum). Anyway, I walked into my larger than normal biology class, looked around for my bio friend KJ, and sat down next to her. I proceeded to pull out a very wrinkled-possibly ripped-scantron and my lucky Hannah Montanna pencil. I didn't worry too much about the fact that the scantron was very sad looking or that the pencil was nearly out of lead, I figured it wouldn't matter anyway because I have this bad habit of failing biology tests. I waited for the two versions of the test to be passed out to all 150 students who actually showed up to class today because of the test. When i got the version KJ and the person on the other side of me didn't have, I went to work. Surprisingly, I knew way more than I thought I would but still didnt do very good. I finished the 50 questions on DNA and RNA replication, meiosis and mitosis, and other such things in 30 minutes flat, climbed over everyone jam packed into my row, nearly tripped down the stairs, and handed my test to the teacher. I walked out of the classroom hoping for a 70 just to save my grade but nearly positive a 60 would be way too much to even think about asking for. I went home and promptly climbed into bed to take a short nap that turned into 3 hours. When I awoke I remembered that the kind professor promised to post the scores by this afternoon. I got online to check the damage done and saw two very good looking numbers:

82

{puzzle}

i picked up this paper yesterday morning on my way into the library and nearly didn't believe what i saw. 527 points to the person* who knows whats wrong with this picture:

*roommates may not take part in this guessing game

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jess and I are going to attempt to get to my parents house tonight.
wish us luck, its dangerous out there.

{the most smartest of all}

this is my roommate. she is my pal.
i was normal when we met, then she rubbed off on me.
cute, yes?

when you put two gals together who have a picture taking problem this is what you get:

the other night i was on my bed and she was on hers when the following discussion came up:
her: What if i have 7 kids while youre gone?
me: i would be very sad, because you would get married
her: but what if i dont get married?
me: you'll be like the octomom, only with seven
her: what do you call seven babies born at once?
me: i dont know, like... i dont know
(then we proceded to discuss all the options of what it would be called)
her: you know, like trituplets
me: you mean triplets?
yes, that is how we do things
and it makes me kind of happy that we are on the same intelligence scale

did you know that my pal is of a Jewish family?
dont believe me? check the nose

sometimes she kind of smells funny. sometimes i kind of smell funny.
but we live with it.

not many peeps get us. it really is a shame. but we dont mind because we know the truth:
RAD to the MAX

most days we fight. like a lot. usually over silly stuff like global warming. but sometimes its over really serious stuff like who's going to shower first and who wore who's socks.

but by the end of the day we generally look like this

excuse me while i go check her head for dandruff....

{hi, my name is... what?}

if you have been reading my blog for longer than 37 seconds you have probably noticed my inability to spell. if you havent, im sorry. now thats all you'll be able to see. anyway, im pretty bad with grammer and punctuation too. words that i am consistently bad at are:

definetly
tomorow
supercalafragalisticexpealidocious

i really am not sure how i got this far in life with my lack of abilities but i did. woah. however, my inabilities to spell have moved onto a whole new level. are you ready for this? here it goes:

Lauren

seriously. how many ways can someone named Lauren spell Lauren wrong? let me tell you, quite a few. dont believe me? ask my professors. i sure hope they can figure out who i am with all those dang variations of Lauren.

you should see what i can do with my last name.

{book review}

i have been reading this really great book that i think most of you would really like. the plot is what i like to say off the hizzay. you see, it starts with introducing this little character and then it just expands and expands and expands until you just cant take it anymore. the character changes and grows and is put under so much pressure and heat that you dont think its going to survive, but then it does! all the while the book is teaching you concepts that most wont ever get and answers to lifes many mysteries. i highly recomend that you go get yourself a copy. and no, dont just buy one and let all your girl friends read it when youre done. infact you should start yourself a book club. it would be so fun. i would join.

anyway, i know youre all dying to know. its called:

Chemistry: The Molecular Nature of Matter and Change, 5th edition

its seriously life changing. now get up and go get it and start reading.

chapter 5 is going to Blow. Your. Mind.

now i must return to the book of joy. good night and good luck.

{introductions}

everyone, say hello to Aaron.

not. this totally isnt aaron. it could be in 40 years... if he had a race change.
and grew a foot or two. and maybe gained 100 pounds or so.
But you get the idea

anywho, aaron is the devil. i mean a very nice man. he teaches me how to swim.

he is SO nice that this morning i wanted to push him into the pool. i would have too if it wouldnt have taken so much effort to get out of the pool just to push him in.

dont get me wrong, i really do kind of like the man. he just makes me do really hard things that i dont want particularly want to do.

he stands on the edge of the pool looking down at me with those crazy swimmer eyes in the early hours of the morning telling me i better not be breathing like im in the movie the exorcist (or maybe that i should be breathing that way... i dont remember) he even made some crack about throwing up pea soup. and his favorite phrase is "6 kicks and turn. 6 kicks and turn". do you know how long 6 kicks takes when you cant breathe? too long. i came to the conclusion that i much breathe on each side if im doing 6 dang kicks. its the only way its going to work. when i get back to the wall he so kindly tells me i better find myself a breathing pattern cause that just aint gonna work. i tell him he better shut it. i dont really tell him that. i tell him im probably going to die. he doesnt believe me. he then informs me that if i drown its my own fault. he's just really nice that way.

this morning after our usual exchange of words he told me to do 50m of the '6 kicks and turn'. so i did it. he then informs me that he missed it because he was putting up the lane line. so i do it again. this time he praises me abilities (they're improving). but then he says i have to do 5 more of those, but without the '6 kicks and turn' mantra. apparently im supposed to do what feels right. i kicked my little (chubby) legs as good as i could and only did my breathing on the left when i got to my side. it worked out pretty well until i started inhaling water. i thought my time had come but im a strong girl so i kept going. and it took me way way longer than it should have. (not to mention the little break i had to take to put my gogs back together after they fell apart)

each time i got back to his side his cutie pregnant little wife/lifeguard was laughing and he said "good. now do it again. only (insert number) more" i wanted to punch him right in the knees but i refrained. "only two more" was what really got me. but i pressed on i only had one more when i found the true beauty of aaron. are you ready for this?

swim coach = aaron = chemistry major

like, woah! we discussed chemistry while i caught my breath and prepared for the next 50m and i came to the conclussion that he could totally teach me swimming and tutor me in chemistry at the same time. it just works out so well.

i was so excited that i did the whole last lap without stopping. woah.

i knew i liked him.

{I'm Baaaaaaaaaaaaaack!}

did you miss me? cause i totally missed you!
sorry i left so abruptly. we were doing this thing called a media fast for missionary week at the institution. our tv stayed off for like 6 whole days. waoh.

but enought about that. we have some serious catching up to do.
want to know what i did this week while i was away? i shall tell you:

in honor of the media fast we only listened to music that was uplifting and joyful.
after exhausting the resources we got down to business with some serious southern gospel singers.
i present to you Selah. they are AMAZING! all sorts of Hallelujahs going on there.
you can check out one of my favorite songs here

i also took up swimming in hopes of becoming the next Wendy Peppercorn. for realsies.

if you want something good to laugh at join me at the pool @6am. i'll be there.

I made my very first fondant cake and boy, was it yumm-o!
nothing is better than cutting in to a pretty cake only to find an even prettier fun fetti!

my feet shrunk to midget size.

jk. i just happened to put my chacos next to the giant mr banks' shoes. it made me laugh so i took a picture to show you!

i did more chemistry than i have ever done in my whole entire life. and i think i get it

(knock on wood)
i'll let you know how my test goes on monday.




HotPockets went on sale for 3/$2 and we stocked up.
you would not imagine the number of HotPockets being cooked in this house.



i think i broke my second metarsal, but that has yet to be confirmed.
and i have an earache that feels more like an ear infections. thats yet to be confirmed as well.

I did some serious ChemLab work with my buddy/roommate Gabby.
we are SO good at ChemLab, we totally kick boo-tay!
(thats a bunson burner in the background. im not sure who let the two of us do such dangerous things but we totally got it going on the first try. clear flame and all. it was sweet.)

i had a bought with a nasty stomache bug but luckily it only lasted one day
and my FRoomie, Jessica bought me cinnamon bears AND made my bed.
i'll tell you what, she's one of a kind.

and my bed fell of the cinderblocks. while i was on it.
and all Jessica did was laugh. and then laughed some more.
it really wasnt that funny but i forgave her because of aforementioned kindness.

and she helped me put it back .

what did you do while i was gone? anything exciting?

i totally want to know all about it. so please, enlighten me.
but now i must depart to prepare myself for the
BREAK THE MEDIA FAST DANCE!

{like, for realsies?}

so it turns out i am smart! dont believe me?
i made this is bio lab last night:

*check out that double bond, isnt it beautiful?*

for all you un-smart people out there that would be a protein.

you HAVE to be smart to do that.
believe me.
not even my lab partner who is wicked wicked book smart could put one together.
so from now on, he will do the work and i will put the models together.
we were destined to be partners, i know it.

and in other news: im wearing gold nail polish, whish apparently is a very smart thing to do.

{brain capacity}

incase you werent aware, im not really the sharpest crayon in the box. in fact, im not really very sharp at all. i have had zero ability of learning anything new since about the fourth grade. i'm not even 100% sure how i graduated from high school and for that matter, even got into college. but here i find myself day after day doing things that only smart people should do, and for the most part getting away with it. take for example Chem Lab. its very fun but it goes right over my head. if it turns a funny color i like it, if it requires math skills, i cant do it. thankfully i have a pretty rad lab partner by the name of Gabrielle. she also happens to be my roommate. so far this semester she has been holding my hand during chemistry and the lab just so i dont run from the room screaming in sheer terror caused by all the knowledge dr Z* throws at us. she's a good friend, but thats beside the point. as we were walking out of Chem Lab this morning (we dominated) i commented on the large size of her backpack and then realized that mine was about a quarter the size of hers. check it out:

this caused me to ponder how my not so full back pack and her overflowing one is kind of like our brain capacity. her brain is SO big, its probably going to start leaking information any day now. where as mine is a little bit on the small side and needs more in it, but i couldnt put a whole lot more in if i tried (its a small backpack, folks) because of the other things that are in it. like snacks. i need snacks. today its a fiber one bar, string cheese, and some crackers. i also need some flash cards in case i learn something i need to write down in a flash. a calculator is also contained within for those times my brain cant compute fast enough to keep up with the likes of Gabby. today the backpack also contains: one chemistry binder, one cluinary accordian folder, and one biology lab manual. and thats it. i should have brought books for the classes today but i was much to lazy (maybe laziness has something to do with my lack of brain capacity). i also carry my wallet in case someone wants to see some ID or if i go to costa vida and need my punch card. and we cant forget the random smashed up papers that fill the bottom of my bag from many classes past.

its those things that are most important. those things need to take up room in there. they are random, but they're needed. like the random information that fills my brain (probably taking up all the needed space to learn chemistry) such as:
-our eyes are the same size from the day we are born until the day we die.
-but, our noses keep on a-growin'
-Columbia University is the second largest land owner in New York, only after the Catholic Church.
-Stewardesses is the longest word that can be typed with the left hand.
-111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321 (math, woah!)
-birds need gravity to swallow. they would die if they went to space.
-underground is the only ensligh word that begins and ends with 'und'
-when a frog throws up it throws up its stomach first, so the stomach is dangling out of its mouth. The frog then uses its little hands to get out all of the stomach's contents and then swallows the stomach back down again. gross
-Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
-when you're dehydrated the thirst mechanism turns off.
-Every time you sneeze some of your braincells die. (if that happened when you hicup i would be a gonner).
and there you have it. would you like to know more? because i could enlighten you.

that is where all my brain capacity has gone, to useless knowledge. like the useless things in my backpack. it may be full, but just know that when Gabby starts leaking information im going to pick it up and put it in my pockets. and then im going to start sticking it down my shirt, and in my mouth, and anywhere else her smarts will fit.

{current craps}

i like to watch CSI, in case you didnt know.

now you do, look at that.

anyway, im sitting here watching CSI and putting together a little presentation on Anticipation and 'dealing with decision-making delays'. whatever the crap that means. it's making me a little peeved, not just because i have to do it while CSI is on but mostly because i already put together a dang presentation.

so why are you doing another one? you might ask. i am here today to tell you

i signed up to do one on wednesday on some other topic that i dont remember. i spent like a year and a half trying to make a replica of a dang picture that was in the book but not anywhere to be found on the internet. here it is:

and the story continues. i made the whole powerpoint and stuff and was all ready to go. the young man doing his presentation about the section befor mine got up and did his thing. and then he did my thing. what? let me break it down for you: HE DID MY PRESENTATION!!! what the DB? like, for realsies? apparently. i made this known to the professor and he just laughed and said "what? do you want his points or something?" and then he told me i would have to do another one. tomorow.

serious injustice.

freak.

(i just tried to use a big word. did i do it right?)

{hate}

welcome to Things Lauren Hates part III.
you can read the first and second installment here and here.

as the beginning or a new semester is upon us i have come to realize there are many things about the people that inhabit my place of higher education that i really do not like. as in hate. for your pleasure i will share three of them with you.

first being the athletes. i must say that some are nice kind people but there are those that are not. for example, just because you are super good at what you do on the field does not mean that you are super good in the classroom. in fact it makes you sound stupid when you bring up stuff from a game that is not relevant to the class. you are NOT smart just because you got a scholarship to play football. and just because you get to play a little baseball in the spring for a school no one has heard on does not mean you are desirable, or that everyone should swoon over you. and please, you may play football but that doesn't mean you get to fight with the teacher about golf and other junk like that.

second: please stop complaining about how much your books cost. become a science major and pay roughly $200 for EACH book and then complain about what that novel for English is going to cost. i cant stand going into the bookstore because of people saying such things as "like, oh my gosh, this dictionary and this writing manual and these three novels and blah blah blah are going to cost me $150!" some one please call the waaaambulance before i bust a cap into your little head. seriously. i must also give a shout out to Gabrielle for letting me use her bio book from last semester. props to you friend, mad props. if you would like an outdated nutrition book i can hook you up.

thirdly: if you have a job in this joyous town where no one can find one, stop complaining about it. if you hate it so much quit so someone who actually needs and wants a job can have one. you aren't contracted to work at your place of employment so stop complaining about not being able to leave. grow up, get a life, and go to work. or quit so i can have you job. thank you.

and those, my friends, are whats currently on my hate list. would you like to add to it? well then you just go ahead and complain to your hearts content. im here to listen.

{icesicle? isicle? icicle?}

google says icicle so we'll go with that. anyway, what i really mean is
"large ice sword of death".

seriously. icicles strike fear into this heart of mine. i just know that one day im going to be killed, or find someone killed from a fallen icicle (i think i heard on CSI once that an icicle is the perfect murder weapon, but i dont know for sure. check snopes maybe?). It's not that im afraid someone is going to kill me with an icicle, i fear one is going to fall right on my head, causeing a giant puncture wound in my skull that i will bleed out of. and then i will die. wouldnt that be tragic?

to protect the mail man (and people bringing me treats) i have taken it upon myself to knock down the icicles over the porch (you can thank me later). generally the weapon of choice is a shovel, but somestimes a wooden spoon does the trick.

i thought i was doing a good job until i saw this:

*dont be fooled by this pretty looking ice formation, it was seriously over 5 feet long*


I had been neglecting the back porch and let the icicles there get dangerously large and pointy. i just knew that i was going to come home to my dog impailed by one of these things. but fear no more, i knocked them down too. it caused me lots of stress and panick at the thought of them falling on my head, but i did it. thankfully im still alive. it is my job to take those bad boys out.

how about you do the frozen world a favor and knock down those death traps? thank you

and that reminds me, i must go remove the icicles that have formed today.

{conspiracy}

its finals week.

and with the joy of test after test comes the ever dreaded...

seriously. its a joke.
at the begining of this semester i spent well over $400 on books.
would you like a breakdown? let me go find my reciept...
Chemistry - $237.45
Chemistry lab book - $6.69
ChemSkill Builder - $23
Athletic Injury Management - $72.40
Community Nutrition - $108.70

Grand Total: $448.24
(bless whoever came up with tax free textbooks)

i packed up my belongings today and went to the bookstore to sell my books back
im using the same chemistry book next semester so i didnt take that one
i turned in half the chem lab book so i couldnt sell that one back

chemskill builder is an online program so there was no getting money for that one

what i did take was Athletic Injury Management and Community Nutrition

keep in mind that is $181.10 worth of textbooks.

the nice man scanned my very abused Athletic Injury Management book and proclaimed "$37.25!" not bad, not bad. and then he scanned my still in prestine condition only opened once bought brand new Community Nutrition book, looked me right in the eye and said "$15".

seriously? $15 for a book i bought for $108.70.
i had an internal battle for a short minute about whether to stick it to the man and keep my dang book or take the $15 and walk away in shame. i had big plans to keep that book. no one was getting my book for $15. i even walked away from the window, head held high. and then a little thought popped into my head stating the fact over and over again that if i opened it only a handful of times when i actually had the class, what was i going to do with it when i didnt? use it was a coffee table book? let me short roommate sit on it at the dinner table? do step aerobics with it? well, i dont have a coffee table, my roommate isnt that short, and do i look like i do step aerobics? the despretly needing money side of me won the battle. i walked back to the window and demanded my $15 in exchange for my heavily over priced textbook.
i slowly walked away with my $52.25 defeated once again by the conspiracy that is textbook buy back. its a conspiracy i tell ya, a conspiracy. when i find who's behind it you can bet your first born son there is going to be some major problems. as in fist throwning, hair pulling, name calling problems.

i heard one time that the average text book has a life span of like 20 months. seriously? 2o months? what can change that fast? the end of chapter review problems? for real, the way you treat torticollis is not going to change every 20 months making it necessary for a new book to be published. they do it on purpose, i know it.

conclusion: buying, selling, trading, reading textbooks is like getting gouged in the eye over and over and over again.

{shout out to the parentals}

did you know that i have the coolest parents around? cause i do.

let me give you one example of said coolness:

at my place of higher education they do these things called "Finals Survival Kit". they send out a little flyer in the mail to the parents saying that if you send $15 they will deliver one to your student! WOOHOO!! what a deal! not. it includes things like a box of mak&cheese, left over halloween candy, crappy pencils, and a bent up scantron you couldnt use if you tried. i got one once (which i was thankful for) but told them not to worry about it again as it is kind of a waste of money.

but how could they let their baby girl go without a little lovin' during finals? so they one upped the school and out did any other finals survival kit out there!

it included the following note:

Lauren's Personalized Finals Week Survival Kit!
~Pixie Sticks for a little magic dust
~Popcorn to keep things popping
~Smarties to help you remember everything you have learned
~Starbursts for a burst of energy (which are not pictured because i promptly ate them)
~Cocoa to warm you up
~Tissues to wipe your brow when the studying gets intense
~Snickers for a few laughs
~Kisses cause we love you
~New pencils to keep you sharp
~Chocolate cause it makes everything all better!

my dad also added a little something something with a little sticky note that said "Andy Jackson is a good friend, sometimes" A good friend indeed that will have the privilege of buying gas to get me home for Christmas! and boy am i excited about going home! im going to hang out with my mom for 3 straight weeks. whats better than that?

anywho, i know youre all jealous that i have the best parents around. and you should be.

mi mamá y papá son las mejores y me encantan. gracias por todo!

{its over}

and its about time.

5 down, 3 to go and i will have myself one smokin hot degree.

its a good thing they chunk the torture time into 4 months sections or bad things might happen.

i was going to celebrate this evening with some heavy partying (or at least a corndog) but the lack of funds makes that near impossible. so instead im watching Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. ooooh tender!

whats on the agenda for next semester you ask?
Chemistry + Lab
Biology + Lab
Culinary Arts + Lab
Motor Learning

and the next question is what are you going to do with your life?

to that i have no answer. i know i should probably figure it out sometime soon. im working on it.

you see, im not really the brightest bulb in the tanning bed. and with my current major you kind of sort of need to be. i sit in class after class with future doctors, dentists, RD's, ER surgeons, nurses, chiropracters. you name the medical profession and there is someone aspiring to be it. its a little intimidating to say the least.

for example: we currently are doing a bit of research (research? me? no way!) and today i was sitting in the office with two gentlemen discussing our future plans as one studied for his BioChem (GASP!) final and the other told the difference between regular chem and *ahem* honors chem. and of course, only honers is good enough. i choose to stay quite so i didnt have to tell them im an idiot and plan on sitting around watching Extreme Makeover: Home Edition for the rest of my life. I'm sitting there listening to them talk about med school applications (13 denies, 11 yet to hear from, 1 acceptance. i guess those are good statistics) and MD school v. DO school and other such things. first off what the deuce is DO school? someone please, enlighten me. i had to text my roommate right then and there so she could google it and tell me what it meant just so i could keep up. and then they start using all these big words of which i have no idea what the meaning is. the conclussion was come to that i need to take a class on information the average intellectual American should know.

this is what i propose: i need all of YOU to teach ME the meaning of one very large word. that way i could probably learn like 4 new words.

the next thing you need to do for me is tell me what to do with my life.

and to make this a little easier for you i will include basic information about yours truely:

Name: Lauren
Major: Human Nutrition
Minor: None, but open for change
Likes: Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, sleeping in, nail polish, athletic tape, baseball, wrapping paper, subway, the smell of saw dust, elvis, clean sheets, mac and cheese, fireworks.
Dislikes: Ouchies, static cling, slivers, dirty socks, homework, mustard, chemistry, doing dishes, skipped CD's, expired food, cold floors, weird noises, mean people, stretched out jeans.

i need ideas people, lots of ideas.

{3x5}

i have a test this morning. its on spine, neck, head, and face injuries.
im gonna kick its bootay, but thats beside the point.

the teacher so generously is letting us use one 3x5 card on the test. he said we could put whatever we wanted on it. last time he let us use a card i went to town and wrote everything i could on the card. the problem was i wrote it so small an it was in pencil that by the time i got to class it was all sorts of smudged up. i got a 44/50 so i must have done something right. however, this time i took matters into my own hands. heh. i got myself one 3x5 card and one computer and went crazy typing up everything i had in my notebook. and then i made the font size 8 (cause thats as small as it would go) and went about glueing said information onto my 3x5 card. only it wouldnt all fit. so i got creative and layered the little pieces into a flip book type deal. its all on there, just in more than one layer.

do you think that counts?

and since i have a half hour until the test and nothing else to do (except study, but who does that?) im going to tell you what is on that card of mine...

There are 33 individual vert. 24 movable (7 cervical, 12 thoracic, 5 lumbar) and 9 immovable (5 fused at the saccrum and 4 fused at the coccyx). the intervertebral disk is a cushion between the moveable vert that acts as a schock absorber and protects the brain. Annulus fibrosus is the peripheral part composed of concentric fiber layers and the nucleus pulposus is the center part composed of gelatinous pulp. (isnt this exciting?) Kyphosis is the excessive curvature of the cervical and thoracic vertabrae resulting in a hunchback type look. Lordosis is excessive curvature of the lumbar vert. Scoliosis is an abnormal lateral curve. spondylolysis is a fracture of the transverse process and spondylolisthesis is when a vert slips onto one below. usually happening in L5-S1. Sciatica is inflammation of the sciatic nerve ("Nurse Julie! Nurse Julie!" name that movie) A herniated disk is when the inner part of the vert slips out. a spine fracture is caused by a direct hit or heavy pressure and they come in 3 varities: compression, transverse, and body. a vert dislocation is no bueno and causes the nerve roots to be at risk. torticollis is also called wry neck and happens when you sleep wrong. spinal cord shock is basically a contusion to the spine and is often accompanied by loss of feeling and motor control. and cervical neck stretch syndrom is also known as a burner or stinger and most often happens in people with long skiny necks. would you like me to go on? well i cant. i have to go now. wish me luck